It was all a misunderstanding

Waitress: I would like to deny that what was reported ever happened. The ex-Minister did not fondle or molest me. It was all a misunderstanding.

Reporter: What made you make that report then? What actually happened?

Waitress: I did feel someone putting his hands on my backside. Then I felt the hand going higher. I protested, but it did not stop. I tried to pull the hand away, but the owner of the hand is much stronger than me. He was also drunk because I could smell it from his breath.

Reporter: What made you initially suspect that it was the ex-minister who did it?

Waitress: After pleading for sometime, I couldn't take it anymore so I screamed. Then they on the lights and the ex minister was next to me.

Reporter: You suspected that he was the one because he was next to you? It could have been others right?

Waitress: I thought it was him, because that night, he was the only customer. There was no one else in the bar except the bar boy, two other waitresses who were with the bar boy, the ex-minister and me. That was why I thought it was him.

Reporter: It could have been either of the waitresses or the bar-boy right?

Waitress: No it couldn't be, they were at quite a distance away. The lights were on only seconds after I screamed.

Reporter: Then how come you are now sure that it was not the ex-minister, since he was the only one close to you? Anyway, how close was he to you?

Waitress: He was very close, about 6 inches away. I only realised that it couldn't have been him when the police and his lawyers visited me a few days ago.

Reporter: How many of them visited you?

Waitress: 20 police personnel and 12 lawyers.

Reporter: So many of them? What did they say or do?

Waitress: They told me that that club is haunted. They said that a few years ago, a drunkard lecherous old man was shot dead for molesting a woman there. They added that it could be his ghost who did it.

Reporter: And you believed them?

Waitress: I was confused, but they brought an ex waitress who confessed that the same thing happened to her and coincidentally, the same ex minister was beside her. They said that, the dead man was an enemy of the ex minister so that was why his ghost did it every time he is around.

Reporter: Since the place is haunted, are you going back to work there?

Waitress: Oh no, I don't have to work anymore. The ex minister was so kind. He said that he took pity on me because I was molested by the ghost of his enemy. He blamed himself for what had happened to me. He gave me a cheque for 1 million ringgit, a condominium and an expensive car. He said I don't have to pay for the condominium. To show how he cares, he even took a key and said that he would be checking on me, to see if I need any help or if the ghost is still haunting me. That is why, I feel so bad that I had implicated a very good man.

KUALA LUMPUR:

The woman who lodged a police report alleging a former cabinet minister had outraged her modesty at her workplace in a hotel in KL Sentral cannot in law withdraw the report, said Gelugor MP Karpal Singh.

Karpal, a lawyer, said a person who lodged a police report could not at her whim and fancies withdraw a report by way of a letter or statutory declaration. The person ran the risk of lodging a false report and was bound by the contents of the report, he added.

"The police have to investigate the woman's report despite withdrawal of same by her. If the allegations against the ex-minister, as set out in the police report, are true, then the police have no alternative but to take action," he said.

Karpal said this was a serious offence under Section 354 of the Penal Code, which carried imprisonment of up to 10 years or fine or whipping or with two of such punishments.

He said that if it was revealed in the course of the investigation that the contents of the police report was false, then the woman concerned should be charged for giving false information to the police.

This was an offence under Section 182 of the Penal Code, which provided for an imprisonment for a term which may be extended to six months, or a fine which may extend to RM,2000, or both.

Karpal thus called on the police to carry out an in-depth investigation to determine the culpability of the ex-minister for allegedly outraging the woman's modesty, or the culpability of the woman concerned for giving false information to the police.

This would be in the public interest, he said.

The woman retracted the report lodged against the ex-minister, saying that she misunderstood the incident.

40 things you'd like to say out loud at work

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.

10. Ahhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

24. Do I look like a people person?

25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary.

39. Who lit the fuse on your a**?

40. Oh I get it... like humour... but different.

If Life Were Like A Computer:

• You could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel.
• You could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like it!
• You could improve your appearance by adjusting the display settings.
• You could turn off the speakers when life gets too noisy.Y
• You could click on "find" (Ctrl, F) to recover your lost remote control and car keys.
• To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!
• If you mess up your life, you could always press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over!

Would that be grand?

Baby Sister Wanted

Was waiting for the elevator when I chanced upon this gem of a notice. I don't mean to be cruel but it made me cringe ('cos I was trying not to laugh too loudly). When I shared this picture with my colleagues in the office, we all shared a round of good laughs at the expense of the person who put up this notice. In the immortal words of WYC: "Fwah! Your Ing-lang very the powder-ful aah..!" Oh man.. I gotta stop being so mean (>.<) ~Jas, 11.11.2006~

Stairs to... No Where?!?

Spotted this while being stuck in a traffic jam getting from one meeting to another. Pretty strange if you asked me. Wassup with that la? ~Jas (,") 03.11.2006~