Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry X'Mas Everyone!

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift just prior to Christmas. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up, and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot, and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird, and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird continued, "May I ask; just what did that turkey in there say?"

Friday, April 25, 2008

It was all a misunderstanding

Waitress: I would like to deny that what was reported ever happened. The ex-Minister did not fondle or molest me. It was all a misunderstanding.
Reporter: What made you make that report then? What actually happened?

Waitress: I did feel someone putting his hands on my backside. Then I felt the hand going higher. I protested, but it did not stop. I tried to pull the hand away, but the owner of the hand is much stronger than me. He was also drunk because I could smell it from his breath.

Reporter: What made you initially suspect that it was the ex-minister who did it?

Waitress: After pleading for sometime, I couldn't take it anymore so I screamed. Then they on the lights and the ex minister was next to me.

Reporter: You suspected that he was the one because he was next to you? It could have been others right?

Waitress: I thought it was him, because that night, he was the only customer. There was no one else in the bar except the bar boy, two other waitresses who were with the bar boy, the ex-minister and me. That was why I thought it was him.

Reporter: It could have been either of the waitresses or the bar-boy right?

Waitress: No it couldn't be, they were at quite a distance away. The lights were on only seconds after I screamed.

Reporter: Then how come you are now sure that it was not the ex-minister, since he was the only one close to you? Anyway, how close was he to you?

Waitress: He was very close, about 6 inches away. I only realised that it couldn't have been him when the police and his lawyers visited me a few days ago.

Reporter: How many of them visited you?
Waitress: 20 police personnel and 12 lawyers.

Reporter: So many of them? What did they say or do?

Waitress: They told me that that club is haunted. They said that a few years ago, a drunkard lecherous old man was shot dead for molesting a woman there. They added that it could be his ghost who did it.

Reporter: And you believed them?

Waitress: I was confused, but they brought an ex waitress who confessed that the same thing happened to her and coincidentally, the same ex minister was beside her. They said that, the dead man was an enemy of the ex minister so that was why his ghost did it every time he is around.

Reporter: Since the place is haunted, are you going back to work there?

Waitress: Oh no, I don't have to work anymore. The ex minister was so kind. He said that he took pity on me because I was molested by the ghost of his enemy. He blamed himself for what had happened to me. He gave me a cheque for 1 million ringgit, a condominium and an expensive car. He said I don't have to pay for the condominium. To show how he cares, he even took a key and said that he would be checking on me, to see if I need any help or if the ghost is still haunting me. That is why, I feel so bad that I had implicated a very good man.

KUALA LUMPUR:
The woman who lodged a police report alleging a former cabinet minister had outraged her modesty at her workplace in a hotel in KL Sentral cannot in law withdraw the report, said Gelugor MP Karpal Singh.
Karpal, a lawyer, said a person who lodged a police report could not at her whim and fancies withdraw a report by way of a letter or statutory declaration. The person ran the risk of lodging a false report and was bound by the contents of the report, he added.
"The police have to investigate the woman's report despite withdrawal of same by her. If the allegations against the ex-minister, as set out in the police report, are true, then the police have no alternative but to take action," he said.
Karpal said this was a serious offence under Section 354 of the Penal Code, which carried imprisonment of up to 10 years or fine or whipping or with two of such punishments.
He said that if it was revealed in the course of the investigation that the contents of the police report was false, then the woman concerned should be charged for giving false information to the police.
This was an offence under Section 182 of the Penal Code, which provided for an imprisonment for a term which may be extended to six months, or a fine which may extend to RM,2000, or both.
Karpal thus called on the police to carry out an in-depth investigation to determine the culpability of the ex-minister for allegedly outraging the woman's modesty, or the culpability of the woman concerned for giving false information to the police.
This would be in the public interest, he said.
The woman retracted the report lodged against the ex-minister, saying that she misunderstood the incident.

Monday, March 17, 2008

My favourite piece on our post-election analysis

Malaysian voters open the door for Anwar Ibrahim
Michael Backman
The Age
March 12, 2008


MALAYSIA Boleh! (Malaysia Can!) is Malaysia's national slogan but after last Saturday's elections, the real slogan should be Malaysians Boleh! for ordinary Malaysians are to be congratulated. The humiliation they handed their government at the federal and state elections demonstrates how politically sophisticated and mature they have become in the face of a high-handed and patronising government.

Five state governments were won by the opposition and federally, the Government had its worst showing ever. But it was the clinical precision in which voters went about their business that was most impressive.

Zainuddin Maidin, the information minister, lost his seat. A measure of how complacent the Government had become was its appointment of the inept Zainuddin to the role in the first place. His appalling performance on Al Jazeera television late last year was a very public international humiliation for all Malaysians. Voters did what Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi did not have the guts to do: they removed him from office.

Malaysia's media has become so discredited that local bloggers are now hugely popular. Zainuddin had patronisingly warned Malaysians about false information spread by bloggers. They responded by voting one of the most popular bloggers , Jeff Ooi into parliament.

The birthday of Samy Vellu, the long-serving public works minister and head of the party that represents Malaysia's Indian community, coincided with election day but it was Malaysians who got the birthday present. Samy lost his seat.

No one is more to blame than he for driving Malaysia's Indians into their pitiful state as second-class citizens. His deputy also lost his seat, as did the head of the party's youth wing, its vice-president, and the head of its women's wing. The party barely exists now.

Meanwhile, a lawyer who championed the rights of Indians and who has been detained without charge since December because of it, won a seat in a state parliament ­ a seat in which the majority of voters are actually Chinese. It seems that ordinary Malaysians have a greater sense of fair play than their Government.

The Government lost power in the state of Penang. Lim Guan Eng, the much-respected new chief minister, was arrested and jailed in 1994 after he distributed a brochure complaining about the handling of claims that the (then) chief minister of Malacca, Rahim Thamby Chik, had sexual relations with an under-age girl who happened to be one of Lim's constituents.

Unbelievably Thamby Chik was not charged for what amounted to statutory rape but Lim was, for having distributed the pamphlet. How embarrassing for Abdullah that he must now deal with a chief minister that his Government so unfairly jailed.

Only the state government of Sarawak was spared voters' ire but only because it had its elections last year. But nature will bring change there too. Its long-serving, outstandingly greedy, cancer-stricken chief minister is soon to learn that a shroud has no pockets.

More broadly, the very legitimacy of Abdullah's Government is open to question. At the federal level, the opposition received 47.8% of the vote; a remarkable result given voting fraud, a frightened media that gives the opposition almost no positive coverage, and severely rigged electoral boundaries. As it was, about a third of eligible voters did not vote, meaning that Abdullah's Government was returned by only four out of 10 eligible voters.

Late last year, I met with former finance minister and senior ruling party lawmaker Tengku Razaleigh Hamzah at his residence in Kuala Lumpur. He told me how appalled he was by the direction Malaysia had taken. He said that Malaysia needed a free media and a truly independent judiciary. He decried the corruption and nepotism that had beset the leadership of his own party. "But why don't you stand up in parliament and say these things?" I asked.

"Because the media would be instructed not to report it," he said.

If the opposition parties and their leaders can put their egos aside and think strategically, they have a chance of giving Malaysia what it sorely needs, a stable two-party system.

Opposition figure Anwar Ibrahim will become eligible for election next month with the expiry of the ban following his criminal conviction.

The nightmare scenario for Abdullah is that Anwar's wife, who was again elected on Saturday, will resign in the coming months, forcing a by-election at which Anwar will be elected. He might then help to coalesce the opposition parties into a more unified and effective voice. If he were to lure the Chinese-based MCA and perhaps the Sarawak-based United Traditional Bumiputera Party away from the ruling coalition, then the opposition would have precisely half the members of parliament. And if just one more government member were to walk, ­ Tengku Razaleigh perhaps ,­ then the Government will fall after 50 years in office. The current 13-party ruling coalition would be replaced by a five-party coalition. Whether or not this happens, there will be constant tension from the fact that it might.

Abdullah has emerged as probably Malaysia's most pointless prime minister. The election results are an unmitigated disaster for him and his Government. If the opposition is sufficiently disciplined and the ruling coalition starts to crack, then his nightmare has only just begun. Could Abdullah negotiate such a minefield? So far his political talents don't seem to have stretched beyond using chemical-laden water cannons against his own people.

It would seem his days are numbered.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

40 things you'd like to say out loud at work


1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.

10. Ahhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

24. Do I look like a people person?

25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary.

39. Who lit the fuse on your a**?

40. Oh I get it... like humour... but different.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Where not to eat..

If ever you happen to go to PJ Old Town, there is a food circus.. er.. I mean.. food court diagonally across the traffic-lighted crossroads from Public Bank. If you also happen to be hungry, this is as good a place as any to find good food for a reasonable price... with one exception but we'll get to that later.

All the establishments here seem quite.. well.. established (",) with a steady stream of customers and all available tables taken. Never mind that the weather outside was sweltering hot and humid, the patrons keep coming in. Luckily, the drink sellers were prepared with their renditions of ice kacang and '"leong sui" (herbal tea)

There is this particularly well patronised stall that sells "char-siu" (barbequed, glazed pork), "siu-yok" (barbequed belly pork) and "siu-kai" (barbequed chicken) available with your choice of rice or porridge (congee to some folks).

Now, my boyfriend LOVES pork. Ergo, he made a bee-line for this stall and ordered "chair-siu-kai" (which is a combination of equal portions of each served with rice, for the benefit of those who are not well-versed with Chinese fare).

As he sat down at our table, he kept a firm eye on Stall 41 and noted that there was never a time when there weren't people standing on the sidelines, waiting for their take-away orders. The only server manning the tables was a harried Indonesian lady but she was efficient.

When his order came (cost him RM4.50), the portions were too small for his liking, so he decided to add a side order of "siu-yok". This came shortly after in an even smaller portion (yes, it was possible!) at a staggerring RM3!

I counted that there were only 7 bite-sized pieces of pork with 2 slices of cucumber and a careless garnish of chinese parsley. Wow! The only excuse for such a steep price tag would be the taste. So we each picked out a piece and chomped down, fully anticipating a good treat for our palate.

Alas..! Disappointments abound. There were no taste explosions. No heavenly amalgamation of flavours just regular barbequed pork. Nothing remotely spectacular about that taste to warrant the premium pricing *sigh* What a disappointment :(

I wonder if there is a "char-siu" sellers' association that I can refer to for guidelines on price setting?


Monday, December 31, 2007

If Life Were Like A Computer:
  • You could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel.
  • You could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like it!
  • You could improve your appearance by adjusting the display settings.
  • You could turn off the speakers when life gets too noisy.Y
  • You could click on "find" (Ctrl, F) to recover your lost remote control and car keys.
  • To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!
  • If you mess up your life, you could always press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over!

Would that be grand?

Running up the tab

It's the year end and there are mega discounts and price slashing galore. Being the bargain hunter that I am, yours truly decided to hit the shops and scout for cheap buys. Armed with my credit cards and a sweater (because of over-zealous Christmas-spirited shopping mall operators - see last entry in blog), I went on a pilgrimage to pay homage to the Queen of all Sales.. The Malaysian YES (Year-End-Sale).

I spent a whole day at one of the 5 imminent malls in the Klang Valley with my childhood buddy in tow. We walked the floors and scoured all our favourite shops, which was approximately 60% of the mall barring the cinema, food places, books and toy shops (never pay regular prices when there are warehouse sales abound!). I came out of it empty handed except for the purchase of a can of green tea, ice cream and dinner. How truly disappointing :(

Keeping my spirits up, I decided to check out 2 book companies' warehouse and moving out sale respectively. That endeavour was more satisfying in that I have suceeded in stocking up a year's worth of reading supplies and some VCDs (original only mind you) for the nieces and nephews. However, my boyfriend did not appreciate spending 3 hours with his head tilted to one side in order to read the titles off the book spines. Needless to say, there was a grumpy face driving us home that evening and a tired but happy bookworm hoarding my 'spoils of war' *hyuk! hyuk!*

Today, I gave my staff the day off and am contemplating to launch an 'assault' on the latest, upmarket mall to hit the town. According to my childhood buddy, the mall we went to was child's play in comparison to that. Ooooo... a challenge if I ever knew one! I've checked the traffic conditions online and put out my shopping shoes so as soon as I can peel myself away from my comfy perch in front of my laptop, I will be off. Wish me luck! And to you, dear reader, have an excellent New Year!

Saturday, December 29, 2007

My dad...

My dad is my hero. He brought me up the way all typical, olden-day Chinese dads do: keeping a stiff upper-lip and is hands-free in my up-bringing (he leaves it to mum). He never praised me in front of anybody and down-played praises by well.. anybody. It's not that he isn't proud of me, he is, it's just the conservative Chinese way. However, lately, he's been taking over the role of mum, i.e. nagging, scolding and when all else fails, resorts to emotional blackmail and 'cold wars'.

Don't get me wrong... I'm not complaining that my dad is conniving or sly, he's just reaching out to me in the only way he knows how. You see, growing up with a dad conditioned me to be close to mum while maintaining a cordial and respectful distance (physically and emotionally) from dad. Mum says something, I listen. Dad says something, I ask mum if I should listen :) So I get it that he feels insecure and therefore the theaterics.

Take this New Year weekend for instance. I called dad up on Friday to discus holiday plans. He said, quite nonchalantly, "You're not coming back (to my hometown) for New Year?". Now when dad says that, he means, "I want you to come back". So I mulled over it, taking into consideration the mass influx of people who will be travelling back to the Klang Valley from their galivanting a.k.a. "cuti-cuti Malaysia", I called him again to hint at not going back in lieu of the anticipated traffic jams to which he replied: There is no jam if you take the old (trunk) road. So there... Dad has decided.

So drawing from all my years of growing up with dad, I called up mum (naturally, this being the 21st century, it means calling mum's mobile phone as opposed to just asking dad to pass the line) to ask her opinion. To cut a long story short, mum said, "Don't bother coming back" and so here I am, holed up in my city home, blogging :) Dad won't be happy but mum has spoken.

Friday, December 28, 2007

"Do they know it's Christmas..."...Do we?

Christmas came and went. SILENTLY. Christmas carols were so infrequently blasted over the radio in the days leading up to Christmas that I stopped listening out for it (instead, I played my own Christmas carols on the CD player). The streets look pretty much the same as they do everyday except for sporadic greetings in Bahasa Malaysia proclaiming: Selamat Hari Natal and Tahun Baru. The Christmas spirit is dead in Malaysia except in shopping malls.

All shopping malls in the Klang Valley spared no costs in conjuring up the 'rah-rah' for this season. Gigantic connifers sprouted out of polished tiles complete with fake snow and the works. I swear that they even turn down the thermostat to make it chilly for the added effect.

So what does Christmas mean to me? Zilch.. except the gift receiving part *grin*

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Earth Angels

I met an angel tonight. We've been hardwired to associate 'angels' with heavenly bodies of light with wings and a halo above their heads but no.. The angel I met was neither ephemeral nor was she a dark shadow bearing a resemblance of the 'Grim Reaper'. She was very much human, just like you and me.
Having spent much of the evening during a dinner party talking to her, I am re-assured that there is still good in this world and it doesn't matter if you are "only one of many" trying to do good in this crazy world. The important thing is that you ARE making it happen and not waiting around for something to happen.
In this season of giving and caring, what better way than to re-pledge oneself to helping God's creatures especially our less fortunate bretheren? There are many worthy causes out there who are grateful for generous contributions, be in terms of money or effort.
"Be the change that you want to see happen"

Monday, October 29, 2007

Ding dong..! The witch is gone!

*singing* oh happy day...
today.. i be rid of a 'pest'. how much more excellent can it be?
having said that, i can think of at least 12 things but right now i'm happy enough that i got my 'pest' is gone so i'll leave my 12 things for another day :)

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Seriously...

Samy Vellu goofed again with this statement:

"SAYA SYUKUR ANGKASAWAN KITA SETELAH MENINGGAL DUNIA 10 HARI, KINI SELAMAT DI KEBUMI"

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

More Than Meets The Eye...

AWESOME!! As soon as I stop feeling tingly, I will write a proper post on THE movie of the century: Transformers

Friday, June 29, 2007

What do you think?


Here's the poser: A lady wrote an email to a radio show to seek the listeners' opinion on her concern. Her boyfriend of 3 years is as wonderful as boyfriends can get. Even after all these years, he still makes the effort to take her out to nice dinners, buy her gifts and flowers, take her on nice weekend getaways etc. He is 31 years old, has a stable job is financially stable and she can foresee herself spending the rest of her life with him. The trouble is, even though he is 31 and is financially independent, he still receives an allowance from his parents. She finds this odd and wants to know if this is a common practice among rich folks and what do the listeners' think.


Some called in to ask if the guy's parents would mind adopting a 40-something year old "son" *grinz* but most (including the guy radio show host) opine that the guy should "wear a saree and stay at home"... in other words a "wuss".


Waitaminute! Having extra dosh is considered "wussy"? Since when? So I called up the station to give my 2-sen worth.


Radio show host ("RSH"): Hello? What say you?


Me: Hello. Is this XYZ fm?


RSH: Yes, it is. Who's speaking please?


Me: This is Jasmine. I'd like to say that I think it's sweet that the parents are helping out their child.


RSH: But this "child" is already 30. He is not a "child" anymore!


Me: Well... to a parents, it doesn't matter if a "child" is 30, 10, 50 or 80. No matter how old you are, you are and always will be your parents' "child". And parents being parents, they naturally look out for their kids. It's nice to have extra cash. There can never be "too much money" and here you have someone giving you money. If it were me I'd just take the money and shut up..


RSH: *laughs* You've got a point there..

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Join an online protest

I joined another online protest today. Go to http://www.streamyxsucks.com/ Got meself a nice little banner as well. Let's see some online activism! It is time that monopolising utility conglomerates realise that the consumer is king and they can't expect to charge us the sky, earth, sun and moon in return for lousy service and get away with it. Come on people. Get of our complacent bums and let our voices be heard. Unite and fight!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Boycott!!

It has been 3 years, 5 months and 23 days since I boycotted a certain nasi kandar Penang restaurant in Taman Tun Dr Ismail. "Why?" you may ask. Here's the scenario:-


3 years, 5 months and 23 days ago I went to Lotus to indulge in one of our national pasttimes: hanging out at the mamak with friends. Not content to just nurse my cup of 'teh tarik', I decided to have a piece of fried chicken. The piece of chicken was no larger than my fist and I was charge RM6 for it. Needless to say I was outraged and all manner of disgust was felt. That was the long and short of it.


So today, I celebrate my 3rd year, 5th month and 23th day in boycotting this place.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Web Publishing

O-kay..! I admit it. I'm lousy at web publishing. Just haven't got the faintest clue on what, who, where and how. Bleh... But somehow, thinking that I CAN if I TRY, I proceeded to drive myself utterly bonkers trying to save a few ringgits by updating my own company website. The conclusion is: I'll leave it to the pros. I'll just content myself with blogging :-p

Mothers and Daughters

The month of May has bore witness to four life-changing events: 2 births and 2 deaths. Nope... Neither of those occurring within my family but they relate instead to people whom I work closely with.

Two daddy's became repeat daddies to two beautiful little girls.

Two sons lost their mothers to battles with illness and old age.

Somehow I couldn't help but think whether the two golden mothers have passed on only to assume the youthful form of the two daughters?

The cycle of life...

Monday, May 28, 2007

Life is short...

I came across this quote:


When you keep saying you are busy, then you are never free.


When you keep saying you have no time, then you will never have the time.


When you keep saying you will do it tomorrow, then your tomorrow will never come.


Carpe diem.. like this adorable chap here.. {photo removed} unfortunately, due to strong protests and jeerings from certain parties, the picture had to be removed to prevent further har-"ass"-ment.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Rip Off

I don't really know what is the actual statistic out there, but I am sure that 60% of the computer literate world are using a particular 'why-so'-soft operating system with accompanying suite of word processing, spreadsheet, presentation and email programmes bundled into a neat little package which starts with an "O" and ends with an "E" (no, it is not "orifice" but it does rhyme with it though). So anywhos, I was trying to open a presentation file done with this programme suite but somehow there was an error. After clicking numerous "send error reports", I noticed a link that says "click on the link below to find out how to resolve this problem". "Oh great!" me thinks to myself. Finally, a solution! So I click the link...
What happens next is blurdy upsetting.

This was the message that appeared in my internet browser:-

Problem caused by "Why-so"-soft O****e 2002: consider upgrading

The problem was caused by "Why-so"-soft O****e 2002, which was created by "Why-so"-soft Corporation. "Why-so"-soft O****e 2002 is in its "Extended Support" phase. This phase of support for "Why-so"-soft O****e 2002 began on July 11, 2006. Only security-related solutions are created by "Why-so"-soft for this version of "Why-so"-soft O****e.

Recommendation

Consider upgrading to the latest version of "Why-so"-soft O****e to receive full support. Go online to learn how to upgrade.

Was this information helpful?

[Yes] [No] [Somewhat]

I'm like: WTF??!! So I clicked "NO" and additional text appeared:-

Why?

[ ] Information is wrong

[ ] Information is confusing

[ ] Information does not apply to what I am experiencing

How can we make this information more helpful? (1000 character limit)

"Why" in deed! I checked the option for "information is confusing" and wrote the following in the "how can we make this information more helpful?" box:-

Dear "Why-so"-soft

I do not understand why after forking out good money to purchase your product, I am faced with this situation wherein the solution is to shell out more money in order to upgrade. Your corporation is already earning so much money, please have a heart and stop squeezing your loyal users.

{click} "submit"