Until we meet again...

Doctors explained that her brain cells were shutting down which caused the seizures. There is no saying if she will ever regain consciousness.

I remembered being very calm when he explained this to me. It was in the wee hours of morning as he was going on his rounds. I had spent the night huddled in my sleeping bag at her side, keeping an eye on her as she had a troublesome breathing tube which kept slipping out whenever she coughed.

I prayed fervently for God to be merciful and not let her suffer. I sang mantras as I stroked her hair and hands, or massaged her feet. I helped the nurses clean and dress her. All the time praying she never had to suffer.

Then came May. I had made plans to climb Mount Kinabalu. My family and I turned the matter over and decided that I should proceed with the climb even as grandma was slowly slipping away.

A few days before my departure, I whispered my goodbyes to her. Although we have promised never to cry in her presence, I couldn't hold back my tears. I told her I was leaving her bedside to conquer the moutain and if she could, would she please wait for me to return so that I can share my victory with her.

She waited for me well into a week after my climb. She even regained consciousness just before her birthday. I was elated and very certain that she would wait for me. I got caught up with work (it was a critical turning point in my business as well) and put off rushing back to see her. I called home everyday for updates and she was showing positive signs of recovery. I snuffed that little voice that taunts "calm before the storm". I willed her to wait for me.

Alas, she slipped away on Thursday morning just after dawn. She passed away in her sleep. My mom called to break the news. I prayed and thanked God for leading her to the afterlife.

It's been 9 months since her passing. This blog entry has been sitting my draft box since June. I still cannot control the tears whenever I read this draft, even now as I sit in a bus full of strangers, making my journey from Prague to Vienna.

It was grandma's dream to visit Europe or, as she puts it "ang moh kok kar" (red haired man country), as I conclude my trip which took me from Budapest to Vienna to Prague and back, I feel that she is with me, enjoying the sights, the cold air, the general experience of being in a foreign land. I know she is smiling because I am (",)